I swore that when I grew up that I wouldn't be like my parents. I was not going to have their temper. I was not going to have mom's people pleasing trait. I was not going to withdraw into a shell like my dad. But darn it! I not only look like them (especially my dad and his dad), but I became just like them too.
Now don't get me wrong. They also passed down to me a lot of wonderful blessings. My mom was the spiritual leader and made sure that I was brought up in the fear and wisdom of the Lord. For that, I am eternally grateful. Mom could be a lot of fun to be with. I remember us laughing until my side hurt. Mom cared for us. She always had hot breakfasts and fantastic suppers. She was a splendid cook - southern style! She loved being a mother and housewife. She made sure I was involved in healthy activities through our the children's and youth programs at church and the music ministries. I always had clean and ironed clothes to wear. She even ironed my bed sheets! She really cared for me and wanted me to turn out well. She was a great mom.
Dad was a faithful provider. He owned his own business for most of the time I lived at home. He worked long hours. He was a workaholic. I am a workaholic and don't know when to quit and relax some times. Dad took me fishing and taught me how to play baseball. He was a big kid himself and loved to play with me, my brother, and our friends. Likewise, I enjoyed playing with my children and taught my son how to play baseball. My son is now teaching his son how to play! This is a generational blessing, no doubt! In fact, I still enjoy being around children and youth. Dad went to church with us. He was a practical joker too. He loved to tease, and I do too. He had a sarcastic wit about him. I do too and have to be careful not to take it too far to the point of hurting someone.
I have fond memories of my mom and dad. I received blessings. There was never an alcoholic beverage in our home. I never heard them utter a cuss word. However, I also got what the Bible calls "the generational curse" too.
I didn't know my dad's grandparents. His dad died when I was two years old. His mom lived in their hometown of Sumter, South Carolina, which back then was a long way from Carrollton, Georgia. They said my grandfather was a saint, a deacon at First Baptist Church, Sumter, and a praying man. My grandmother was a faithful member of the Sumter Presbyterian Church and raised my dad and his brothers and sisters in that church. They also said my grandmother could be a real "spitfire" sometimes! She died when I was 12. I didn't get to be around her much due to the distance. She died from diabetic complications. Yep, I got diabetes from her. It's in our genes. I guess you could call it the "generational" curse.
Mother's mom died when she was 15. I don't think she ever got over it. My grandmother and great grandmother were charter members of Talmo Baptist Church in Hall County, Georgia. I've heard that my grandmother was a saint. Mother inherited her Baptist faith from them, and I inherited that faith from mom. My grandfather lived to be an elderly man. He had a big farm, and a loved visiting him for a week or two in the summer. Although I never saw him lose his temper, my mom said he had one. I think that's where she got hers, and I got mine from mom and her dad. My grandfather was not much of a church going man.
I had passed down to me generational blessings and curses. Faith is one of the many great blessings I inherited from my family that has been handed down through the generations and continues being passed down to the new generations.
That's the way the generational curses and blessings work. Passed down through family after family.
In regards to the generational curse, my grandparents must have gotten it from their parents and they got it from their parents and so on down the line all the way to Adam I suppose. And I've noticed that my children have some of these cursed traits too. And, their children probably will too.
There are several verses in the a Old Testament that refer to the generational curse like this one in Lamentations. "Our ancestors sinned and are no more, and we bear their punishment" (Lamentations 5:7).
In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul covered all the bases of the generational curse. He wrote, "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned" (Romans 5:12).
The generational curse goes all the way back to Adam. Thus, each generation has to break the generational curse. There is no magic cure to break the generational curse and keep it from being passed down to future generations. Each new generation has to break the generational curse - the curse that has been passed down from Adam. In other words, every generation from Adam to me to my children and to my grand children are generational cursed. And, every generation must break the curse through the cross of Christ and His righteousness. He alone makes me righteous and whole. He alone has the power to break my generational curse. Otherwise, I'm sentenced to continue repeating their bad traits learned from them and passed down by them.
In my observations and study, every family has some sort of dysfunction because there are no perfect families. All relationships seem to me to have at least one negative, unhealthy aspects in them. That make the relationship dysfunctional by definition. They all have at least one struggle or problem. Husband with wife. Wife with husband parent with child. No relationship is perfect. Dysfunction in family relationships is evidence of the generational curse. It's like some families, maybe the majority of families, have more dysfunction, more manifestation of the generational curse, than other families.
You would think that a family like Billy and Ruth Bell Graham would have no problems. But recently, their daughter, Ruth, revealed that she her family was dysfunctional and she, like me, believes every family is dysfunctional. Every family suffers from the generational curse. Ruth would have killed herself if she could have found a razor blade. She had run home as soon as Sunday morning services had ended to commit suicide. She had planned this. The pain had become unbearable, and Ruth Graham couldn't take it anymore. She felt ashamed, humiliated and she feared condemnation over her divorce. She felt she had failed herself, her family, her parents -- one of whom happens to be the most well-known evangelist in the world -- and God. But she couldn't find those razor blades. (Read her testimony about her dysfunctional family by clicking on this link).
Many of us found that we had several dysfunctional or cursed characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or severely dysfunctional household. Some families have more severe dysfunction than others.
As a result and speaking for myself and not coming from a dysfunctional family due to alcoholic parents but from parents who had other issues, I have felt isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures and especially dominating women who remind me of my mother.
To protect myself, I became a people-pleaser like mom and her dad losing my identity in the process. Papa and my mom were always worried about what the neighbors thought of them. I now know mom was a people-pleaser even though I didn't have a clue what it was all about when I was a child.
I felt that any personal criticism was a threat to my self-hood and too often would "fly off the handle" when I felt threatened.
This is a major reason why some become alcoholics. Or they may practice other addictive behaviors like I did. Children raised with an alcoholic parent often become alcoholics themselves. Or they may acquire other damaging addictions that is evidence of their generational curse. Adult children of alcoholics sometimes marry an alcoholic abuser like their alcoholic abusive mom or dad thinking they can save their spouse just like they thought they could save their mom or dad.
Or, they find other compulsive personalities to marry such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick need of self-punishment thinking we are unworthy of a healthy relationship. It's like we are undeserving and have to punish ourselves over and over.
Looking back on my life, I lived my life from the standpoint of being a victim like my mom did. In grade school, every time a bully picked on me, she wanted me to transfer to another school because it was always their fault why I was pushed around and humiliated. As an adult, when I blew up, I blamed the other person and never accepted personal responsibility for my times of rage. It would build up in me until I exploded. Then I played the victim card. I was treated unjustly and was wronged. I learned that from my mom, and God-knows, she must have learned it too. My generational curse.
I also had an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. I remember my dad saying that I shouldn't do anything to "set mom off." I learned to walk on egg shells and bear mom's guilt and take responsibility for the dysfunction in my family. I remember dad telling me, "things will get better around here when you leave home." Well, I left home, and it solved nothing between them. As a result of feeling that it was my responsibility to make Mom happy, as an adult, I felt that it was my responsibility to make other people happy too. Making myself happy was out of the question. My mother meant well when she taught me that joy comes when you put Jesus first, Others second and You last. JOY. That didn't produce joy but misery.
I got guilt feelings when I stood up for myself rather than giving in to the expectations and demands others put on me. I didn't stand up for my convictions. For example, if I was in a conversation with a Democrat, I was a Democrat. If I was in a conversation with a Republican, I became a Republican. It's a terrible way to live and relate to others. Terrible.
My psychologist labeled this as as a merged or undifferentiated ego. I didn't know who I was and was miserable. I became a reactor rather than an actor letting others take the initiative and following their lead. I was a dependent personalty, terrified of abandonment, and willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order to be accepted and affirmed. I couldn't stand the thought of abandonment and did all that I could to keep it from happening. The more I tried, the less success I had in keeping a healthy relationship. I didn't have a clue either why this occurred.
Now don't get me wrong. They also passed down to me a lot of wonderful blessings. My mom was the spiritual leader and made sure that I was brought up in the fear and wisdom of the Lord. For that, I am eternally grateful. Mom could be a lot of fun to be with. I remember us laughing until my side hurt. Mom cared for us. She always had hot breakfasts and fantastic suppers. She was a splendid cook - southern style! She loved being a mother and housewife. She made sure I was involved in healthy activities through our the children's and youth programs at church and the music ministries. I always had clean and ironed clothes to wear. She even ironed my bed sheets! She really cared for me and wanted me to turn out well. She was a great mom.
Dad was a faithful provider. He owned his own business for most of the time I lived at home. He worked long hours. He was a workaholic. I am a workaholic and don't know when to quit and relax some times. Dad took me fishing and taught me how to play baseball. He was a big kid himself and loved to play with me, my brother, and our friends. Likewise, I enjoyed playing with my children and taught my son how to play baseball. My son is now teaching his son how to play! This is a generational blessing, no doubt! In fact, I still enjoy being around children and youth. Dad went to church with us. He was a practical joker too. He loved to tease, and I do too. He had a sarcastic wit about him. I do too and have to be careful not to take it too far to the point of hurting someone.
I have fond memories of my mom and dad. I received blessings. There was never an alcoholic beverage in our home. I never heard them utter a cuss word. However, I also got what the Bible calls "the generational curse" too.
I didn't know my dad's grandparents. His dad died when I was two years old. His mom lived in their hometown of Sumter, South Carolina, which back then was a long way from Carrollton, Georgia. They said my grandfather was a saint, a deacon at First Baptist Church, Sumter, and a praying man. My grandmother was a faithful member of the Sumter Presbyterian Church and raised my dad and his brothers and sisters in that church. They also said my grandmother could be a real "spitfire" sometimes! She died when I was 12. I didn't get to be around her much due to the distance. She died from diabetic complications. Yep, I got diabetes from her. It's in our genes. I guess you could call it the "generational" curse.
Mother's mom died when she was 15. I don't think she ever got over it. My grandmother and great grandmother were charter members of Talmo Baptist Church in Hall County, Georgia. I've heard that my grandmother was a saint. Mother inherited her Baptist faith from them, and I inherited that faith from mom. My grandfather lived to be an elderly man. He had a big farm, and a loved visiting him for a week or two in the summer. Although I never saw him lose his temper, my mom said he had one. I think that's where she got hers, and I got mine from mom and her dad. My grandfather was not much of a church going man.
I had passed down to me generational blessings and curses. Faith is one of the many great blessings I inherited from my family that has been handed down through the generations and continues being passed down to the new generations.
That's the way the generational curses and blessings work. Passed down through family after family.
In regards to the generational curse, my grandparents must have gotten it from their parents and they got it from their parents and so on down the line all the way to Adam I suppose. And I've noticed that my children have some of these cursed traits too. And, their children probably will too.
There are several verses in the a Old Testament that refer to the generational curse like this one in Lamentations. "Our ancestors sinned and are no more, and we bear their punishment" (Lamentations 5:7).
In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul covered all the bases of the generational curse. He wrote, "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned" (Romans 5:12).
The generational curse goes all the way back to Adam. Thus, each generation has to break the generational curse. There is no magic cure to break the generational curse and keep it from being passed down to future generations. Each new generation has to break the generational curse - the curse that has been passed down from Adam. In other words, every generation from Adam to me to my children and to my grand children are generational cursed. And, every generation must break the curse through the cross of Christ and His righteousness. He alone makes me righteous and whole. He alone has the power to break my generational curse. Otherwise, I'm sentenced to continue repeating their bad traits learned from them and passed down by them.
In my observations and study, every family has some sort of dysfunction because there are no perfect families. All relationships seem to me to have at least one negative, unhealthy aspects in them. That make the relationship dysfunctional by definition. They all have at least one struggle or problem. Husband with wife. Wife with husband parent with child. No relationship is perfect. Dysfunction in family relationships is evidence of the generational curse. It's like some families, maybe the majority of families, have more dysfunction, more manifestation of the generational curse, than other families.
You would think that a family like Billy and Ruth Bell Graham would have no problems. But recently, their daughter, Ruth, revealed that she her family was dysfunctional and she, like me, believes every family is dysfunctional. Every family suffers from the generational curse. Ruth would have killed herself if she could have found a razor blade. She had run home as soon as Sunday morning services had ended to commit suicide. She had planned this. The pain had become unbearable, and Ruth Graham couldn't take it anymore. She felt ashamed, humiliated and she feared condemnation over her divorce. She felt she had failed herself, her family, her parents -- one of whom happens to be the most well-known evangelist in the world -- and God. But she couldn't find those razor blades. (Read her testimony about her dysfunctional family by clicking on this link).
Many of us found that we had several dysfunctional or cursed characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or severely dysfunctional household. Some families have more severe dysfunction than others.
As a result and speaking for myself and not coming from a dysfunctional family due to alcoholic parents but from parents who had other issues, I have felt isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures and especially dominating women who remind me of my mother.
To protect myself, I became a people-pleaser like mom and her dad losing my identity in the process. Papa and my mom were always worried about what the neighbors thought of them. I now know mom was a people-pleaser even though I didn't have a clue what it was all about when I was a child.
I felt that any personal criticism was a threat to my self-hood and too often would "fly off the handle" when I felt threatened.
This is a major reason why some become alcoholics. Or they may practice other addictive behaviors like I did. Children raised with an alcoholic parent often become alcoholics themselves. Or they may acquire other damaging addictions that is evidence of their generational curse. Adult children of alcoholics sometimes marry an alcoholic abuser like their alcoholic abusive mom or dad thinking they can save their spouse just like they thought they could save their mom or dad.
Or, they find other compulsive personalities to marry such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick need of self-punishment thinking we are unworthy of a healthy relationship. It's like we are undeserving and have to punish ourselves over and over.
Looking back on my life, I lived my life from the standpoint of being a victim like my mom did. In grade school, every time a bully picked on me, she wanted me to transfer to another school because it was always their fault why I was pushed around and humiliated. As an adult, when I blew up, I blamed the other person and never accepted personal responsibility for my times of rage. It would build up in me until I exploded. Then I played the victim card. I was treated unjustly and was wronged. I learned that from my mom, and God-knows, she must have learned it too. My generational curse.
I also had an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. I remember my dad saying that I shouldn't do anything to "set mom off." I learned to walk on egg shells and bear mom's guilt and take responsibility for the dysfunction in my family. I remember dad telling me, "things will get better around here when you leave home." Well, I left home, and it solved nothing between them. As a result of feeling that it was my responsibility to make Mom happy, as an adult, I felt that it was my responsibility to make other people happy too. Making myself happy was out of the question. My mother meant well when she taught me that joy comes when you put Jesus first, Others second and You last. JOY. That didn't produce joy but misery.
I got guilt feelings when I stood up for myself rather than giving in to the expectations and demands others put on me. I didn't stand up for my convictions. For example, if I was in a conversation with a Democrat, I was a Democrat. If I was in a conversation with a Republican, I became a Republican. It's a terrible way to live and relate to others. Terrible.
My psychologist labeled this as as a merged or undifferentiated ego. I didn't know who I was and was miserable. I became a reactor rather than an actor letting others take the initiative and following their lead. I was a dependent personalty, terrified of abandonment, and willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order to be accepted and affirmed. I couldn't stand the thought of abandonment and did all that I could to keep it from happening. The more I tried, the less success I had in keeping a healthy relationship. I didn't have a clue either why this occurred.
I learned to keep my feelings down as a child. For example, I wasn't allowed to express anger and would get a spanking when I did. I wasn't allowed to disagree or talk back to my parents and would get punished when I did. I learned to keep my feelings buried within me until they exploded and destroyed everything and everyone around me. As a result of this conditioning, I confused love with pity tending to love those I could rescue. Even more self-defeating, I became addicted to excitement preferring constant upset to workable relationships. I had to keep something going all the time.
These are just a few symptoms of the generational curse that I manifested.
In many ways, I never grew up. Emotionally, I was stuck back there in childhood. I never learned a "normal" way of thinking, feeling or reacting.
As long as things went smoothly, I was fine. However, when I experienced conflict, controversy, or crises, I responded with less-than-Christ-like reactions which furthered my embarrassment and humiliation.
Could my generational curse be broken? Could I be free of the curse? I am thankful and glad to say, "Yes! It can be broken! Yes, you can be free of the generational curse! I know. Today, I am free!
I will share how my generational curse was and is broken, and how today I am free from the curse in my next blog.
These are just a few symptoms of the generational curse that I manifested.
In many ways, I never grew up. Emotionally, I was stuck back there in childhood. I never learned a "normal" way of thinking, feeling or reacting.
As long as things went smoothly, I was fine. However, when I experienced conflict, controversy, or crises, I responded with less-than-Christ-like reactions which furthered my embarrassment and humiliation.
Could my generational curse be broken? Could I be free of the curse? I am thankful and glad to say, "Yes! It can be broken! Yes, you can be free of the generational curse! I know. Today, I am free!
I will share how my generational curse was and is broken, and how today I am free from the curse in my next blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment