A Tribute to My Wife

Joyce with guide,
Connie, before disappearing
 into the Montana
Rockies for 8 days

I miss my wife. I missed her terribly. Her 5:30am flight out of Augusta was canceled.  We both teared up thinking her dream trip was doomed.  We will never book a flight out of Augusta again! 

 

Fortunately and after prayer, she was rebooked and confirmed out of Atlanta for her trip.  I took her to the Atlanta airport to go on her Montana Rocky Mountain wilderness adventure on Friday, July 25. She arrived in Missoula, Montana that night.  One of the guides picked her up Saturday morning from the Marriott, and they drove to the trail head that begins the Bob Marshall Wilderness. They saddled their horses and along with three pack mules and five staff personnel, her group set off for the adventure she has longed for.

 

She'll return August 5th. That's 11 long days. I say long days without her. It's the longest we've ever been apart in our thirty years of marriage. I thought I'd be OK. I encouraged her to go. "Fulfill your dream.  Seize the moment while you've still got your health. I'll be all right."

 

She deserved a break. She works hard. She's a Proverbs 31 wife. I don't deserve her. Out of God's overflowing grace and mercy, He brought us together.  For some reason unfathomable to me, she said, "Yes," when I popped the question. I was a broke, broken preacher. My life had collapsed. I was selling cars and serving a small rural church near Augusta, Georgia, when we met. She was a nurse.  Good job.  Good benefits. She owned a home and a car. I owned nothing. She said, "Yes."  Even after thirty years, I still can't believe it.

 

I have to confess. After all, they say confession is good for the soul. I have to confess I take her for granted sometimes. I just assume she'll always be there for me.  I don't show my gratitude and love like I should. You see, not only does she work as a nurse, but she runs the household too. I try and pitch in, but she does the lion's share or should I say the lioness' share of work around here which allows me to write, study, minister to my church, and teach part time at a small Christian school.

 

Bob Marshall Wilderness
Chinese Wall. Joyce will be
camping on the summit

Joyce wanted to get away. And what a place to get away to. She wanted to feel the creation and majesty of God speaking through the mountains, gurgling in the clear mountain streams, and whispering through the forest trees. She wanted to count the stars. Hear the silence before drifting off to sleep snug in her sleeping bag. She wanted to eat cakes on the griddle beside the morning campfire. And, she's finally doing it. Or should I say "being it."  For such an experience is not doing but being, renewing, and worshipping.  I imagine it's as close to heaven as a person can get.

She left without me.  We who do everything together are now apart. It feels weird to me. She kind of wanted me to go but really wanted to do this on her own. However, sleeping on the ground under a tent, bathing in a cold Montana creek, and riding a horse on a trail like a frontiersman isn't my idea of getting away from it all.  I like a first class hotel.  I like nice restaurants.  I like riding on a tour bus with a guide and making sightseeing stops. I guess I'm a spoiled softie. My wife is a rugged pioneer women who can shoot a gun like Annie Oakley. I saw her shoot a snake in the grass one time and split the slithering creature in two.  God pity the robber that breaks into our house when she's home. Now me?  I don't even know which end of a gun to hold.

 

I'm happy for her.  When she's happy, I'm happy. Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be?  When you share a joy, the joy is doubled.

 

But, I'm not so happy without her. I thought I'd be OK, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. Fortunately, my son and grandchildren are with me for a few more days. But they will be leaving to go home in Alabama before Joyce gets back.  I also have "mans best friend with me."  But my Sheltie can't replace my precious wife. Not even close.

 

When I awoke this morning, the first thing I did was reach for her. All I got was her pillow. My first thoughts were of her.  The time zone she is in is two hours behind mine.  I imagined her sleeping in camp. I wondered where she was and thought of where she might be going today. I look at our bird feeder and saw her filling it up with bird seed and the dogs chasing behind her. I saw her on the couch last night reading from her Nook that I gave her and watching a Hallmark channel movie or an old John Wayne western. She loves those old westerns. When I was preaching yesterday, I saw her sitting in her usual place with her encouraging and supportive eyes. I see her everywhere. I miss her. I miss her greatly. There's a hole in my heart. I can't imagine life without her, and when I try, loneliness encases me. I don't know what I'd do without her or what I'd be without her. I don't even want to think about it.

 

I hope the Lord takes me before He takes her. I hope He takes us together. She does too. I sort of understand now - better than I did - about the loss of a lifelong spouse. I've preached a lot of sad funerals and looked upon the grief stricken widow or widower. I really didn't know how they felt or what they faced. I preached the funeral of my beloved uncle. He and my aunt had had a happy, life long marriage. When I visited with her some time after the funeral, she said that she slept in his shirt. It made her feel close to him. Like he was still there. That has to be the darkest, loneliest valley to walk. I don't even want to think about it. I don't know how I'd survive. I think I'd feel like a widow does in India when widows once threw themselves upon her husband's funeral pyre and left with him.

 

And another thing, I really don't know how people make it without Jesus and the sure hope of our resurrection and life with him and life with those who have gone before. I don't know how they make it through without his comfort and assurance. He is life.  "I give them eternal life" (John 10:28).

 

Joyce will come back to me, God willing. Her absence has made my heart grow fonder for her. It's made my love her more in ways that I never have before. I can't wait for her to come home. I'm going to celebrate her return. Flowers will be waiting.  I'll clean the house. Straighten up my disarrayed office which drives her crazy!  I'll give her big kisses and hold her and never let go.  I'll never take her or her love for me for granted again. I'll appreciate the little things she does for me like never before. She is the love of my life given to me by the grace and mercy of my Lord.

 

"There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but she surpasses them all!”

"Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver.  Click on the link or the arrow to play on YouTube.