Who am I? I am chosen.
Why is it important to know who I am? To know my identity? To know I am chosen by Christ and belong to Him?
I have a crying need to be significant. To know that I matter. To know I am a person of worth and have a purpose to get up every morning. I have dreams and aspirations. I don't want to watch life pass me by from the sidelines.
Because Christ chose me for His team, I get in the game and play the game of life for His glory. I win with Him and for Him. I am a winner because He is a winner. I am more than a conqueror through Him who gave His all for me and gives me the power to win for Him!
I want to feel that I am important and that I count for something. Christ did that for me by choosing me to be on a his team.
But, I wanted to play on another team. I wanted to play with the big boys. To become successful like them. To be significant. I wanted to be famous and well-known like them. To plow under the competition like they did.
I heard their success stories. "Be like me," they said. "You can achieve your dreams. You can play on the winning team with us instead of the humble bumble team you are on." They would rattle off all the things I needed to do to be successful and powerful like them. If I followed their advice, I could win trophies and proudly display them like they did.
I practically drove myself crazy implementing all of their formulas for success. But, it was to no avail. I didn't make their cut list. Didn't make their team. I failed and branded myself a failure because I didn't measure up. No one took notice! No one I considered important chose me for their team in spite of my best efforts to impress them with my performance. It was rejection after rejection from them. Or, that's the way it appeared to me.
As a result, I doubted myself and my abilities. So, I tried harder. I worked more. It was no use. Depression became my constant companion. I lived in darkness.
My obsession to be significant was really a cry for attention, security and, ultimately, the need for spiritual healing. I needed my heavenly Father to show me that I matter to Him. That I am significant to Him. He had to reveal to me that the accolades, affirmation, and honors from people I considered significant and successful really didn't matter at all. He chose me for His team. He wouldn't allow me to play for any other. No wonder I was miserable. He is jealous over His chosen team. He doesn't trade away one of His team members. He makes a person who wants to play with the big boy team miserable. Trust me. I know.
I think my relentless drive to be the star quarterback for the big boy team was rooted in my childhood. I didn't receive much affirmation growing up. My parents were good people and did the best they could. I'm guessing they had passed down to them what they passed on to me. The Bible calls this the "generational curse."
I remember my dad telling me, "You're not going to amount to a hill of beans."
My mom called me "Impudent, rebellious, and sassy!"
My high school principal told me, "You're never going to make it in college! You need another year of high school."
Looking back, it seems I went through a large portion of my life trying to prove everyone wrong and that their opinions of me were wrong. To prove them wrong, I was driven to be somebody important. To be well known. Even famous!
Because Christ chose me for His team, I get in the game and play the game of life for His glory. I win with Him and for Him. I am a winner because He is a winner. I am more than a conqueror through Him who gave His all for me and gives me the power to win for Him!
I want to feel that I am important and that I count for something. Christ did that for me by choosing me to be on a his team.
But, I wanted to play on another team. I wanted to play with the big boys. To become successful like them. To be significant. I wanted to be famous and well-known like them. To plow under the competition like they did.
I heard their success stories. "Be like me," they said. "You can achieve your dreams. You can play on the winning team with us instead of the humble bumble team you are on." They would rattle off all the things I needed to do to be successful and powerful like them. If I followed their advice, I could win trophies and proudly display them like they did.
I practically drove myself crazy implementing all of their formulas for success. But, it was to no avail. I didn't make their cut list. Didn't make their team. I failed and branded myself a failure because I didn't measure up. No one took notice! No one I considered important chose me for their team in spite of my best efforts to impress them with my performance. It was rejection after rejection from them. Or, that's the way it appeared to me.
As a result, I doubted myself and my abilities. So, I tried harder. I worked more. It was no use. Depression became my constant companion. I lived in darkness.
My obsession to be significant was really a cry for attention, security and, ultimately, the need for spiritual healing. I needed my heavenly Father to show me that I matter to Him. That I am significant to Him. He had to reveal to me that the accolades, affirmation, and honors from people I considered significant and successful really didn't matter at all. He chose me for His team. He wouldn't allow me to play for any other. No wonder I was miserable. He is jealous over His chosen team. He doesn't trade away one of His team members. He makes a person who wants to play with the big boy team miserable. Trust me. I know.
I think my relentless drive to be the star quarterback for the big boy team was rooted in my childhood. I didn't receive much affirmation growing up. My parents were good people and did the best they could. I'm guessing they had passed down to them what they passed on to me. The Bible calls this the "generational curse."
I remember my dad telling me, "You're not going to amount to a hill of beans."
My mom called me "Impudent, rebellious, and sassy!"
My high school principal told me, "You're never going to make it in college! You need another year of high school."
Looking back, it seems I went through a large portion of my life trying to prove everyone wrong and that their opinions of me were wrong. To prove them wrong, I was driven to be somebody important. To be well known. Even famous!
That's not a good way to live. I wouldn't recommend it for anybody.
I was driven to be validated. I wanted everything that I did to be perfect so as to receive the "Good Job" award. I wanted not only to be on their team, but I coveted their Most Valuable Player award. I was obsessed with my work. My desire was to please them. To perform up to their expectations.
I went off the cliff if I received an evaluation other than perfect. I was jealous of peers who received the MVP award. I had a lot of resentment and felt I was treated unfairly and unappreciated.
The broken and missing parts in me needed to be restored. I longed for the affirmation and validation I missed growing up.
With a lot of help, counsel, and meditating on who I am, I began to realize that when parents don’t tell their children that they love them, they will look for other relationships and experiences to speak to their aching hearts. The significance-shaped vacuum seeks the comfort of the world’s applause. That was me.
The dark side of all this need for significance was my self-induced anxiety and desperation? I suffered when things didn't turn out the way I expected. I was fixated furiously on “my plans and goals and drove myself and the ones closest to me crazy. I wanted to see results right away. I wanted instant gratification and wanted everyone to love me for my superior performance. I wanted to be a winner. After all, no one loves a loser!
Through a godly counselor and my study of who Jesus says I am, I finally entered what Hebrews calls "the place of rest." It is the place of peace and confidence in knowing and accepting who Jesus says I am.
To know I have been chosen by Christ. He chose me to play on His team and that knowledge keeps me from blindly following the opinions others have about me. It gives me dignity, strength, and a sense of belonging. I belong to Christ, the King of kings, Lord of Lords, the Savior, and all of who Christ is and does for me. He is God, the Son, and chose me to play on His team.
The rejection by the big boys team shook me to my innermost being. That trauma purged me from all of my pride and arrogance. It emptied me of myself and my ambition. I was humiliated.
I thought I had to prove my worth. Instead, Jesus filled me with a sense of inestimable worth. My search for significance from people who I thought were significant ended with a crash. Out of my ruins, he built and is building the man He intended me to be all along. The most significant man who ever walked on this planet affirmed me as significant and important to Him. I had nothing to offer Him but my shame from failure and my guilt from not being good enough to make the big boy team.
I wasn't good enough to make their team. I'm not good enough to make His team either but He chose me anyway! Wow!
I knew this, but I didn't know this. Now, I know. I'm chosen!
Jesus certainly knew who He was during his time with us on this earth. Others had their opinions of Him. After Jesus healed a man controlled by demons, the Pharisees said He was Beelzebub, Satan.
Some considered him to be Elijah come back from the dead. Others defined him as Moses.
Over and over, the Pharisees sought to define Jesus. In their opinion of Him, He was a law-breaker, a Sabbath breaker, and a blasphemer. A loser. A fraud. Our Lord could have reacted as I reacted. He could have set out to prove to them that He was somebody significant. But, He didn't. He didn't have to because He knew who He was, where He came from, and what His purpose in life was. He didn't have to prove anything to anybody! He never allowed others to define Him. Never!
Jesus knew who He was. His Father told Him, "You are my beloved Son. I am well-pleased with you." The Father affirmed Jesus's identity. Jesus knew who He was. Because He knew who He was, He knew His purpose for coming to earth. He carried out His purpose even to the point of suffering and dying on the cross. Without a clear identity of Himself, He could have never realized the fulfillment of His existence. His self-understanding of being "I am who I am" led Him to do good works and the fulfillment of who He was and is.
The Apostle Paul said in Romans 12:2, "Do not be conformed to this world." Do not conform to the identity of how others define me. Instead, be transformed by the identity Christ, not others, gives me.
I now refuse to allow others to define me. I don't have to prove my worth and significance any longer. The identity Christ gives me defines and transforms me. It is an anchor for me. I do not drift in the sea of wandering who I am and why I am here. I do not blindly follow and merge my ego and identity with how others define me. I don't get my sense of worth and significance from anybody. It comes only from Christ's definition of me. I am chosen by Him. He wants me to play on His team!
I have been defined as a failure by others who I valued as significant. If I had blindly followed their definition of me, I would have given up in despair and lived in depression and a deep sense of worthlessness after they cut me from their team in spite of me giving them my best efforts. I would have endlessly sought to prove them wrong so that I could be treated like the Most Valuable Player that I thought I was and that I so desperately wanted.
But, I've learned the painful reality that I will not see my dreams fulfilled for significance in the eyes of the big boy team. I thought that those guys were significant. I wanted to be important like they were.
Today, I don't have to impress anyone because I have been chosen by Christ to be on a His team. I want to please Him and no one else.
Now when I feel rejected by others, it doesn't bother me near as much as it used to. Why? Because I know I have been chosen. I now take these anxious feelings to God when I feel worthless and inferior. Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I am thankful He chose me for His team. Moreover, I am thankful that I didn't make the cut to be on the big boys team.
As I grow in my relationship with God and sense His enduring commitment to me, I see that His plans for me are greater than anything I could have imagined. God hears my cry for significance and whispers, “I put those longings in your heart because I have plans for you. I gave you that voracious hunger for greatness and beauty and purpose because I've chosen you to serve Me and reveal My purpose.” He is a generous and willing Father who tells me, "Ask me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession” (Psalm 2:8). He tells me that I’m on His team, “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession” (1 Peter 2:9). As I step out in faith and take hold of the opportunities He gives me, I can trust that He will enable me to leave a lasting influence on the playing field of life because He makes me significant.
Who am I? I am chosen! I have the significance I longed for and sought for and didn't know it until I accepted and understood my identity is given to me by Christ and no one else!
I was driven to be validated. I wanted everything that I did to be perfect so as to receive the "Good Job" award. I wanted not only to be on their team, but I coveted their Most Valuable Player award. I was obsessed with my work. My desire was to please them. To perform up to their expectations.
I went off the cliff if I received an evaluation other than perfect. I was jealous of peers who received the MVP award. I had a lot of resentment and felt I was treated unfairly and unappreciated.
The broken and missing parts in me needed to be restored. I longed for the affirmation and validation I missed growing up.
With a lot of help, counsel, and meditating on who I am, I began to realize that when parents don’t tell their children that they love them, they will look for other relationships and experiences to speak to their aching hearts. The significance-shaped vacuum seeks the comfort of the world’s applause. That was me.
The dark side of all this need for significance was my self-induced anxiety and desperation? I suffered when things didn't turn out the way I expected. I was fixated furiously on “my plans and goals and drove myself and the ones closest to me crazy. I wanted to see results right away. I wanted instant gratification and wanted everyone to love me for my superior performance. I wanted to be a winner. After all, no one loves a loser!
Through a godly counselor and my study of who Jesus says I am, I finally entered what Hebrews calls "the place of rest." It is the place of peace and confidence in knowing and accepting who Jesus says I am.
The rejection by the big boys team shook me to my innermost being. That trauma purged me from all of my pride and arrogance. It emptied me of myself and my ambition. I was humiliated.
I thought I had to prove my worth. Instead, Jesus filled me with a sense of inestimable worth. My search for significance from people who I thought were significant ended with a crash. Out of my ruins, he built and is building the man He intended me to be all along. The most significant man who ever walked on this planet affirmed me as significant and important to Him. I had nothing to offer Him but my shame from failure and my guilt from not being good enough to make the big boy team.
I wasn't good enough to make their team. I'm not good enough to make His team either but He chose me anyway! Wow!
I knew this, but I didn't know this. Now, I know. I'm chosen!
Jesus certainly knew who He was during his time with us on this earth. Others had their opinions of Him. After Jesus healed a man controlled by demons, the Pharisees said He was Beelzebub, Satan.
Some considered him to be Elijah come back from the dead. Others defined him as Moses.
Over and over, the Pharisees sought to define Jesus. In their opinion of Him, He was a law-breaker, a Sabbath breaker, and a blasphemer. A loser. A fraud. Our Lord could have reacted as I reacted. He could have set out to prove to them that He was somebody significant. But, He didn't. He didn't have to because He knew who He was, where He came from, and what His purpose in life was. He didn't have to prove anything to anybody! He never allowed others to define Him. Never!
Jesus knew who He was. His Father told Him, "You are my beloved Son. I am well-pleased with you." The Father affirmed Jesus's identity. Jesus knew who He was. Because He knew who He was, He knew His purpose for coming to earth. He carried out His purpose even to the point of suffering and dying on the cross. Without a clear identity of Himself, He could have never realized the fulfillment of His existence. His self-understanding of being "I am who I am" led Him to do good works and the fulfillment of who He was and is.
The Apostle Paul said in Romans 12:2, "Do not be conformed to this world." Do not conform to the identity of how others define me. Instead, be transformed by the identity Christ, not others, gives me.
I now refuse to allow others to define me. I don't have to prove my worth and significance any longer. The identity Christ gives me defines and transforms me. It is an anchor for me. I do not drift in the sea of wandering who I am and why I am here. I do not blindly follow and merge my ego and identity with how others define me. I don't get my sense of worth and significance from anybody. It comes only from Christ's definition of me. I am chosen by Him. He wants me to play on His team!
I have been defined as a failure by others who I valued as significant. If I had blindly followed their definition of me, I would have given up in despair and lived in depression and a deep sense of worthlessness after they cut me from their team in spite of me giving them my best efforts. I would have endlessly sought to prove them wrong so that I could be treated like the Most Valuable Player that I thought I was and that I so desperately wanted.
But, I've learned the painful reality that I will not see my dreams fulfilled for significance in the eyes of the big boy team. I thought that those guys were significant. I wanted to be important like they were.
Today, I don't have to impress anyone because I have been chosen by Christ to be on a His team. I want to please Him and no one else.
Now when I feel rejected by others, it doesn't bother me near as much as it used to. Why? Because I know I have been chosen. I now take these anxious feelings to God when I feel worthless and inferior. Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I am thankful He chose me for His team. Moreover, I am thankful that I didn't make the cut to be on the big boys team.
As I grow in my relationship with God and sense His enduring commitment to me, I see that His plans for me are greater than anything I could have imagined. God hears my cry for significance and whispers, “I put those longings in your heart because I have plans for you. I gave you that voracious hunger for greatness and beauty and purpose because I've chosen you to serve Me and reveal My purpose.” He is a generous and willing Father who tells me, "Ask me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession” (Psalm 2:8). He tells me that I’m on His team, “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession” (1 Peter 2:9). As I step out in faith and take hold of the opportunities He gives me, I can trust that He will enable me to leave a lasting influence on the playing field of life because He makes me significant.
Who am I? I am chosen! I have the significance I longed for and sought for and didn't know it until I accepted and understood my identity is given to me by Christ and no one else!
I am indebted to the insights from Shirin Taber's article, "Trapped by the Search for Significance."
Read her article at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/20665-trapped-by-the-search-for-significance#kps3BP0ApRcc16ou.99
Click the link to hear "He Chose Me" performed by Jimmy Swaggert or click the arrow on the embedded YouTube video.
No comments:
Post a Comment