Who am I? I am clay.

Who am I.  I am clay. This is a tough one for me.  I wanted to be the Potter and not the clay. I wanted to mold my life into my image of who I wanted to be.

The pot I wanted to be was actually from a design I got from others. I looked at their pots and wanted to be like them.

It sounds kind of funny now. I wanted to be like Jerry Falwell and W. A. Criswell. Like Falwell, I wanted to grow a big church from scratch. Like Criswell, I wanted to preach to thousands every Sunday and preach in conferences and revivals. I wanted the prestige and power that I thought they had. They were everything I wasn't. They were big, I mean, BIG pots!

I set out to mold myself into being a big pot like them and other pastors who I admired.

I remember going to an evangelism conference where the late Adrian Rogers was one of the featured speakers. I hung on every word that he said to try and make myself into a pot like him.  Maybe I could be a big and successful pot too. I sure wanted that. 

In my vanity, I thought the bigger the pot the better. I thought I would be serving Christ in a big, powerful way. Spreading the Gospel.  Many coming to salvation. Scores walking the aisle to confess Christ as Savior. Big pots glorify Christ more than little pots. I wanted to be a big pot glorifier!

Those were certainly worthy goals. Christ would be glorified and the kingdom of God would increase through my big pot ministry. You know, a big pot can hold a lot more than a little pot. I wanted to hold a lot.

I wanted to be the speaker at state and national conferences. I wanted to write books that would be read and talked about. I wanted. I wanted. I wanted. And, I made myself miserable in wanting what I could never be and never obtain. Try as I might, I couldn't make my clay into a big pot. 

I couldn't understand why the Lord didn't fulfill my dreams and desires. I sure tried to help him out. I worked hard to attain to the standard I set for myself. I worked too hard and too long. I practically worked 24/7 and neglected everything and everyone close to me who I held dear. After all, Jesus said, "He who loves family more than me, isn't worthy to follow me." The big pots reminded of these words many times.   

But, it wasn't Jesus I loved.  It was me.  I wanted.  I wanted.  I wanted.

I was not content to be an average clay pot. Embellish me. Put fancy, elegant designs on me. Make me into something ornate, fine, and valued.  

I couldn't understand why I couldn't make myself into a big pot. My pot plan was modeled after their big pot and that had to be a good thing.  But every time I tried to make my pot from their blueprint, I was thwarted. Every effort to succeed failed. 

I argued with the Potter. "No, this isn't the way I want you to make me. Make me like THEM! And, if you don't make me like them, I will do it myself!"

I questioned the Potter.  "You must not love me like you say you do or else You would make me like THEM! Why did you make me like this!?

I fought, scrapped, and struggled.  I punched myself out. It was to no avail. 

I stayed depressed a lot too. I had trouble managing my anger.  Depression is, I found out, anger turned inward, and sometimes that anger can't be contained inside.  My psychologist diagnosed me as clinical depressed. I didn't like or want to be a little ordinary, drab pot. Unnoticed. Disregarded. Overlooked. My "I" wanted to be a big pot! I didn't want to be a little pot and that depressed me. Well, there were some other things too, but that was one of them.

It's kind of funny now that I look back on it.  Of course, it wasn't funny then. It was my life, my burning desire, and my call.  Or at least, I thought it was my call. But, it's funny now.  I shake my head and laugh at my silliness and vanity. 

Obviously, the design that the Potter had in mind for me was something far different than what I had designed for myself!  

Just about the time that I had made myself into what I thought was a big pot, SMASH. The potter wasn't pleased and shattered my pot into a thousand shards. He didn't like my pot to say the least. "Hmmm," He must have mused to Himself, I've got to break this one and start over." And every time, I didn't like the small, simple pot that the Potter was making out of my clay.  So, I took over the pot-making trying to make myself again in the image I had for myself.  I was one more stubborn piece of clay! I'm surprised He didn't lose patience with me.

But he didn't lose patience! He just kept on breaking me and making me again and again until I finally surrender to His skillful hands letting Him make me in the image He had designed for me from the very beginning. After all, he formed me in my mother's womb and would design me the way he wanted to.  His design for me was to be a little pot. Unnoticed. Common. Plain.

Now that I have stopped and thought about it, the Potter did a pretty good job designing me.  No, He didn't do a pretty good job.  He did a perfect job! Absolutely perfect with nary a flaw! He formed the image of Christ out of my clay, and there's nothing imperfect in Christ. 

 

Wasn't Jesus the perfect man?  He was meek and lowly in heart in His days upon earth? Did He ever seek honor, prestige, or power? Did He not consider Himself to be a little pot? Jesus was perfect in humility and modeled humility. That's the design He uses to form clay into pots.   

It took a lot of shattering and remaking, but I finally got it.  Or rather, the Potter finally got what got what He was after. He got the little pot in the image of His Son. I think He is kind of pleased with the way He made me turn out.  

 

He has to polish me up every now and then. He has to do a little repair work. There is nothing like a good dusting and polishing to keep me shining, and there is nothing like super glue to repair and reattach what falls off every now and then. His skilled hands not only formed me, but they maintain me as well. 

And, I am right pleased with the work of the Potter on me, a piece of clay, now molded into a pot in the likeness of his Son instead of a likeness in my image or anybody else's image for that matter.  

Who am I? I am clay molded into a pot for the service of the Potter. I am just an ordinary, common pot. But to the Potter, I'm pretty special because anything He makes is special to Him and loved by Him. I'm glad now that He chose to make me a little pot. I'm glad that He didn't give up on me.  I'm glad He kept shattering me. I'm glad and rejoice. The Potter knows best. I give my life to the Potter's hand.

Click the arrow on the video to worship the Potter through song. Praise and thank Him for making and forming you and me by His hand.