The Blessing of My Generational Curse

It's funny how God turns bad into good. He took the cross and brought resurrection life. He made the ignominy of the cross the way of atonement, justification, and forgiveness making me whole, complete, and the way to a love relationship with the Father.

That's why Paul could affirm, "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people he called, because that was his plan." (Romans 8:28).

My parents passed down their generational curse (and also their generational blessing) to me. The curse was passed to them through generations all the way back to Adam. I in turn passed the curse on down to my children and they are passing it down to their children, my grandchildren. 

Every generation is under the curse.  The Apostle Paul said that the curse was passed down from Adam to generation after generation to me. "Death has come because of what one man did. In Adam all of us die." 

Through the centuries, the generational curse passed down from Adam has been confirmed. Church leaders at the the second Council of Orange (A.D. 529) declared: "One man [Adam] has transmitted to the whole human race not only the death of the body, which is the punishment of sin, but even sin itself, which is the death of the soul."

Reformer John Calvin (1509-1564) wrote, "Therefore original sin is seen to be a hereditary depravity and corruption of our nature diffused into all parts of the soul."

And in the 21st century, theologian, best selling author, and pastor, John Piper observed: "The problem with the human race is not most deeply that everybody does various kinds of sins—those sins are real, they are huge and they are enough to condemn us. Paul is very concerned about them. But the deepest problem is that behind all our depravity and all our guilt and all our sinning, there is a deep mysterious connection with Adam whose sin became our sin and whose judgment became our judgment."

Thus, every generation is under the curse including me.  Each generation including me must break the generational curse. My children must break the curse passed down to them and my grandchildren must break the curse passed down to them by their ancestors including their parents, and grandparents.

I broke the curse. How did I do it?

It's been a lifelong process of learning and growing in the Lord. It's been a lifelong process of self understanding and self awareness. It's been a lifelong process of leaning new skills to overcome my generational curse.

How did I break it?  First, I learned from Jesus.  He invited me to learn of from him. He is meek and lowly of heart. His yoke is easy. The yoke of the generational curse is hard. Jesus' burden is light. My burden was heavy. Only Jesus could give me rest. I learned to rest in Him which broke my generational curse.

What did I learn from Jesus? I finally learned from who I am.  I finally accepted and experienced my identity in the way Christ defines who I am.  I leaned how He defined me. How He defined my "I."  Once I understood who I am as Jesus defines me, I found rest and release from my generational curse. I can't describe the feeling of freedom that I now have. It's incredible!Liberating!  Jesus said to me, "Ask, and He will answer. Seek, and I will find."  Little by little, the Truth of who I am was revealed to me. Then, I not only had to know how Jesus defined me, but I had to accept by faith who He said I am. It's by faith I am saved.

Secondly, I went through the long, painful process of self-understanding and self-awareness. When I am in physical pain, I seek a doctor.  The emotional pain sent me to a psychologist and to my friend, Pastor Roger Bennett, who is a trained pastoral counselor. Through his insight, books that he gave me to read, and his group sessions which he leads each week, I became self-aware. I learned much about my "I" such as that I am powerless to change and overcome the generational curse by my efforts.  I had to take a moral inventory of who I am, and believe in the power of Christ to change me. I am grateful to Roger and all those who have been used by the Lord in my journey to emotional, mental, and spiritual wholeness.

Third, I had to learn new mental and emotional skills to overcome depression, rage, dependence upon others, and lots of other manifestations of the generational curse that had made me miserable. I leaned not to depend on others for my well-being and happiness. I learned not to be defined by the expectations of others or what they thought of me.  I leaned not to lose or merge my "I" into them.

I learned to stop blaming others saying that it was their fault why I lost my temper. I leaned to take responsibility for my blow ups and broken relationships. It was a long, painful process.

I also learned the purpose of emotional pain. The Lord sent the pain to tell me something was wrong in my psyche just like a He does when I experience physical pain. I learned the purpose of emotional pain is actually a gift from the grace of God to move me to seek Him completely and totally, and to have a healthy love relationship with Him which developed into healthy rather than toxic relationships with others.

I learned how Jesus had His emotional needs met. Jesus came to us as the God-man, and as man, he suffered everything and more that I experience. I learned that Jesus had His emotional needs met through the love of a his Father. Over and over, the Father affirmed Him.  "This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.  The Father loves me.  I speak only what the Father tells me to say."

When the Pharisees called Jesus the devil, He didn't let it shake Him. He didn't retaliate because He was  absolutely secure in His relationship and identity given to a him by the Father. When His disciples argued about who was the greatest in the kingdom of God just prior to His arrest and crucifixion, He didn't let it phase Him. When the crowd tried to define Him as their political, King and deliverer, He refused their definition of Him and to please them by becoming king as they wanted. And, the huge crowd rejected Him when He didn't please them. That didn't phase Him either because He knew whom He was. His identity was secure in His love relationship with and affirmation of the Father.

From the example of Jesus, I finally learned who I am in Christ. How He defines me. How He loves me. This gave me my true identity and gave me confidence and assurance which replace my self-loathing and doubt of my self-worth.

I could write a book about my journey, but this short synopsis will give you an idea of the peace and joy that came to me after bearing a lifetime of the generational curse and the emotional pain I suffered. I hope that my openness and honesty gives you hope. Hope that you can be free from the curse. Hope that you can be free from the chains of sin and addictions. Yes, there is hope, and yes, by the grace of God, by learning from the meek and lowly Jesus, and through the help of good godly counselors and Christian self-help books, I entered the rest and freedom Christ wanted me to have. There is no other way but Jesus' way. "I am the way, the truth, and the life."

By one man, Adam, the generational curse has been passed down to all of us. And by one man, Jesus Christ, we are made alive. 

Christ turned the curse of the cross into a blessing.  Through Christ, He turned my generational curse into a blessing - the blessing of abundant life here and eternal life forever in a love relationship with Him. Hallelujah!

The truth shall make you free! Free indeed! Amen.

Listen to these truths from Darlene Zschech and HillSong.  I am free in Jesus name. (Click this link) or click the arrow on the video.

 

My Generational Curse

I swore that when I grew up that I wouldn't be like my parents. I was not going to have their temper.  I was not going to have mom's people pleasing trait. I was not going to withdraw into a shell like my dad.  But darn it!  I not only look like them (especially my dad and his dad), but I became just like them too.

Now don't get me wrong. They also passed down to me a lot of wonderful blessings. My mom was the spiritual leader and made sure that I was brought up in the fear and wisdom of the Lord.  For that, I am eternally grateful. Mom could be a lot of fun to be with. I remember us laughing until my side hurt. Mom cared for us.  She always had hot breakfasts and fantastic suppers. She was a splendid cook - southern style! She loved being a mother and housewife. She made sure I was involved in healthy activities through our the children's and youth programs at church and the music ministries. I always had clean and ironed clothes to wear. She even ironed my bed sheets! She really cared for me and wanted me to turn out well. She was a great mom.

Dad was a faithful provider. He owned his own business for most of the time I lived at home. He worked long hours. He was a workaholic. I am a workaholic and don't know when to quit and relax some times.  Dad took me fishing and taught me how to play baseball. He was a big kid himself and loved to play with me, my brother, and our friends. Likewise, I enjoyed playing with my children and taught my son how to play baseball.  My son is now teaching his son how to play! This is a generational blessing, no doubt! In fact, I still enjoy being around children and youth. Dad went to church with us. He was a practical joker too. He loved to tease, and I do too. He had a sarcastic wit about him. I do too and have to be careful not to take it too far to the point of hurting someone.

I have fond memories of my mom and dad. I received blessings. There was never an alcoholic beverage in our home. I never heard them utter a cuss word. However, I also got what the Bible calls "the generational curse" too.

I didn't know my dad's grandparents.  His dad died when I was two years old. His mom lived in their hometown of Sumter, South Carolina, which back then was a long way from Carrollton, Georgia.  They said my grandfather was a saint, a deacon at First Baptist Church, Sumter, and a praying man. My grandmother was a faithful member of the Sumter Presbyterian Church and raised my dad and his brothers and sisters in that church. They also said my grandmother could be a real "spitfire" sometimes!  She died when I was 12.  I didn't get to be around her much due to the distance. She died from diabetic complications. Yep, I got diabetes from her.  It's in our genes.  I guess you could call it the "generational" curse.

Mother's mom died when she was 15. I don't think she ever got over it.  My grandmother and great grandmother were charter members of Talmo Baptist Church in Hall County, Georgia. I've heard that my grandmother was a saint.  Mother inherited her Baptist faith from them, and I inherited that faith from mom. My grandfather lived to be an elderly man.  He had a big farm, and a loved visiting him for a week or two in the summer. Although I never saw him lose his temper, my mom said he had one. I think that's where she got hers, and I got mine from mom and her dad. My grandfather was not much of a church going man.

I had passed down to me generational blessings and curses. Faith is one of the many great blessings I inherited from my family that has been handed down through the generations and continues being passed down to the new generations.

That's the way the generational curses and blessings work. Passed down through family after family. 

In regards to the generational curse, my grandparents must have gotten it from their parents and they got it from their parents and so on down the line all the way to Adam I suppose. And I've noticed that my children have some of these cursed traits too. And, their children probably will too.

There are several verses in the a Old Testament that refer to the generational curse like this one in Lamentations. "Our ancestors sinned and are no more, and we bear their punishment" (Lamentations 5:7).

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul covered all the bases of the generational curse. He wrote, "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned" (Romans 5:12).  

The generational curse goes all the way back to Adam. Thus, each generation has to break the generational curse. There is no magic cure to break the generational curse and keep it from being passed down to future generations. Each new generation has to break the generational curse - the curse that has been passed down from Adam.  In other words, every  generation from Adam to me to my children and to my grand children are generational cursed. And, every generation must break the curse through the cross of Christ and His righteousness.  He alone makes me righteous and whole. He alone has the power to break my generational curse.  Otherwise, I'm sentenced to continue repeating their bad traits learned from them and passed down by them.

In my observations and study, every family has some sort of dysfunction because there are no perfect families. All relationships seem to me to have at least one negative, unhealthy aspects in them. That make the relationship dysfunctional by definition. They all have at least one struggle or problem. Husband with wife. Wife with husband parent with child. No relationship is perfect. Dysfunction in family relationships is evidence of the generational curse. It's like some families, maybe the majority of families, have more dysfunction, more manifestation of the generational curse, than other families. 

You would think that a family like Billy and Ruth Bell Graham would have no problems.  But recently, their daughter, Ruth, revealed that she her family was dysfunctional and she, like me, believes every family is dysfunctional.  Every family suffers from the generational curse.  Ruth would have killed herself if she could have found a razor blade.  She had run home as soon as Sunday morning services had ended to commit suicide. She had planned this. The pain had become unbearable, and Ruth Graham couldn't take it anymore. She felt ashamed, humiliated and she feared condemnation over her divorce. She felt she had failed herself, her family, her parents -- one of whom happens to be the most well-known evangelist in the world -- and God. But she couldn't find those razor blades. (Read her testimony about her dysfunctional family by clicking on this link).

Read more here: http://www.islandpacket.com/2014/03/07/2988251/ruth-graham-talks-honesty-hope.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.islandpacket.com/2014/03/07/2988251/ruth-graham-talks-honesty-hope.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.islandpacket.com/2014/03/07/2988251/ruth-graham-talks-honesty-hope.html#storylink=cpy

Many of us found that we had several dysfunctional or cursed characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or severely dysfunctional household. Some families have more severe dysfunction than others. 

As a result and speaking for myself and not coming from a dysfunctional family due to alcoholic parents but from parents who had other issues, I have felt isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures and especially dominating women who remind me of my mother. 

To protect myself, I became a people-pleaser like mom and her dad losing my identity in the process. Papa and my mom were always worried about what the neighbors thought of them.  I now know mom was a people-pleaser even though I didn't have a clue what it was all about when I was a child. 

I felt that any personal criticism was a threat to my self-hood and too often would "fly off the handle" when I felt threatened.

This is a major reason why some become alcoholics.  Or they may practice other addictive behaviors like I did. Children raised with an alcoholic parent often become alcoholics themselves.  Or they may acquire other damaging addictions that is evidence of their generational curse.  Adult children of alcoholics sometimes marry an alcoholic abuser like their alcoholic abusive mom or dad thinking they can save their spouse just like they thought they could save their mom or dad. 

Or, they find other compulsive personalities to marry such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick need of self-punishment thinking we are unworthy of a healthy relationship.  It's like we are undeserving and have to punish ourselves over and over. 

Looking back on my life, I lived my life from the standpoint of being a victim like my mom did. In grade school, every time a bully picked on me, she wanted me to transfer to another school because it was always their fault why I was pushed around and humiliated.  As an adult, when I blew up, I blamed the other person and never accepted personal responsibility for my times of rage. It would build up in me until I exploded. Then I played the victim card. I was treated unjustly and was wronged. I learned that from my mom, and God-knows, she must have learned it too.  My generational curse. 

I also had an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. I remember my dad saying that I shouldn't do anything to "set mom off."  I learned to walk on egg shells and bear mom's guilt and take responsibility for the dysfunction in my family. I remember dad telling me, "things will get better around here when you leave home."  Well, I left home, and it solved nothing between them. As a result of feeling that it was my responsibility to make Mom happy, as an adult, I felt that it was my responsibility to make other people happy too.  Making myself happy was out of the question. My mother meant well when she taught me that joy comes when you put Jesus first, Others second and You last. JOY.  That didn't produce joy but misery. 

I got guilt feelings when I stood up for myself rather than giving in to the expectations and demands others put on me. I didn't stand up for my convictions. For example, if I was in a conversation with a  Democrat, I was a Democrat. If I was in a conversation with a Republican, I became a Republican. It's a terrible way to live and relate to others.  Terrible.

My psychologist labeled this as as a merged or undifferentiated ego. I didn't know who I was and was miserable. I became a reactor rather than an actor letting others take the initiative and following their lead. I was a dependent  personalty, terrified of abandonment, and willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order to be accepted and affirmed.  I couldn't stand the thought of abandonment and did all that I could to keep it from happening.  The more I tried, the less success I had in keeping a healthy relationship. I didn't have a clue either why this occurred. 

I learned to keep my feelings down as a child. For example, I wasn't allowed to express anger and would get a spanking when I did.  I wasn't allowed to disagree or talk back to my parents and would get punished when I did. I learned to keep my feelings buried within me until they exploded and destroyed everything and everyone around me. As a result of this conditioning, I confused love with pity tending to love those I could rescue. Even more self-defeating, I became addicted to excitement preferring constant upset to workable relationships. I had to keep something going all the time.  

These are just a few symptoms of the generational curse that I manifested.

In many ways, I never grew up.  Emotionally, I was stuck back there in childhood. I never learned a "normal" way of thinking, feeling or reacting. 

As long as things went smoothly, I was fine. However, when I experienced conflict, controversy, or crises, I responded with less-than-Christ-like reactions which furthered my embarrassment and humiliation. 

Could my generational curse be broken?  Could I be free of the curse?  I am thankful and glad to say, "Yes!  It can be broken!  Yes, you can be free of the generational curse!  I know.  Today, I am free!

I will share how my generational curse was and is broken, and how today I am free from the curse in my next blog. 

Who am I? I am a spring of living water.

Who am I? I am a spring of living water.

When I was a child, I visited my grandfather for several weeks during the summer. I loved following him to the fields behind old Belle, his favorite mule. I walked in his footsteps as he plowed his cotton the old fashioned way with the mule.

Georgia summers are hot and humid. Sweat pours out in buckets drenching every stitch of clothing. It didn't take long plowing with my grandfather to feel like I had been swimming and to make my mouth feel like cotton.

Back then, Papa didn't have a portable ice water cooler like we do today. You couldn't even buy a bag of ice anywhere that I remember. He didn't really need one. He knew where every spring was located.  When we couldn't stand our thirst any longer, I remember him taking me to the edge of a field. He bent down and brushed the leaves out of the way and poked around. Then like magic, a gurgling spring appeared with a little pool of water it had created. We got down on our hands and knees, cupped our hands, and pulled handfuls of the life giving water up to our mouths drinking to our hearts content. Then, we'd splash our faces, have a laugh or two, and go back to plowing the cotton satisfied and refreshed. There was nothing like it. It was the coolest, freshest, cleanest water I can remember.

I am a spring of living water too!  I drink the water Jesus gives me. I never thirst, and He creates a spring of living water in me.

It wasn't always that way and sometimes still isn't. Instead of spring water, All around me was salt water that I tried to drink. It only made me more thirsty. It never satisfied because salt water never satisfies the thirst in my soul. It's like the Rime of the Ancient Mariner in the scene where the men were dying of thirst in the middle of the ocean but couldn't drink the salt water. They knew it didn't have the power to quench their thirst.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

There passed a weary time. Each throat
Was parched, and glazed each eye.
A weary time! a weary time!
How glazed each weary eye.

Why in the world would God put salt water unfit to drink all around me? Why?  Doesn't He love me? Doesn't He care for me? Why doesn't He give me what I need and want?

The salt water was the Lord's way of revealing to me that I was living a lie. That I had allowed myself to be deceived into thinking that success was my spring water and could bring fulfillment and happiness into my thirsting soul. HA!  Boy, was I fooled! 

I tried to measure up thinking that if I could meet certain self-imposed standards and standards I felt were imposed on me by significant others, then I would feel good about myself.  My "I" would be content. 

But again and again, I failed. Even on those occasions when I succeeded with regularity, the occasional times I failed was devastating to my "I."  The failures dominated the perception of myself.

And that perception was not a pretty picture. It was more like a polluted pond growing green yuk on its surface.

I was driven to accomplish every personal goal I set for myself. I was driven to accomplish every goal that institutions imposed on me or goals I thought they imposed on me. If I didn't score a touchdown because I fumbled the ball, I was extremely hard on myself. That's not good.  That's drinking salt water.

Furthermore, my "I" was never satisfied when I scored a touchdown. I wanted to score another one and another and another.  It's like drinking salt water, I was never satisfied. Always wanting more.

If I didn't score, I tried that much harder and harder and harder. And of course, I couldn't score on every possession. Sometimes I never scored. It was those times I experienced pain in the deepest recesses of my soul. Those were "weary times and glazed my weary "I." Salt water never quenches the thirsting of my soul.

Those weary times led me to think that God didn't love me. He didn't care for me. And I couldn't see the love others had for me either. "The boards did shrink."

God turned my rivers into a wasteland. He changed my flowing springs into sun-baked mud. He made my luscious orchards into alkali leaving a bitter taste in me.  This was the Lord's doing, and He did this to me because He loves me.

With my soul dry as cotton, Jesus took my by the hand and walked me over to the edge of the field. There, we knelt down.  He brushed away all the leaves and debris and showed me His spring of living water. I had to get on my hands and knees. I cupped my hands, dipped into His divine spring gurgling with life, and drank and drank quenching the thirst that had driven me for too long. 

"Lord," I said, "give me this water so I won't ever thirst again."  And He did!  Freely. Abundantly. Jesus told me, "My spring never runs dry. It's an eternal fountain. Drink it up. Splash your face with it. Soak your parched soul in it. You'll never thirst again.  Water from my spring is cool, pure, and satisfying. There's not a trace of salt in it!"

And so I did, and I do.  And lo and behold, I have an artesian spring of water welling up in me, bubbling out, bursting forth, and overflowing for the blessing of others.

Who am I?  I am a spring of living water.

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Conclude this devotional by watching this beautiful video and listening to "Let Your Living Water Flow."

 

Who am I? I am washed.

Who am I?  I am washed. Washed clean through and through. Not one germ left.

My mom was funny. She had a dishwasher, but she always hand washed the dishes before she put them in her dishwasher.  She didn't trust the dishwasher to get the dishes completely clean or sterilize them like she could. Never mind that the water was hotter in the dishwasher than the hot water coming out of the faucet! She was convinced her hand washing was better.

Mom got her peculiar ways from her aunt, her dad's sister, and from her dad. In the pre-automatic dishwasher days, Aunt Annie heated her dish- washing rinse water to the boiling point. Then, she scalded her dishes making sure all of the germs were killed. Diseases were common, and were transferred by what the old timers called "being nasty."

Her dad (I called him Papa) was peculiar too.  Mom told me that when they went to dinner on the grounds after church services at Talmo (Georgia) Baptist Church that he would carefully watch where the members placed the food they brought. He would note where they put it on the long outdoor tables, and then tell his children, "Don't eat that fried chicken over there. The Jones don't coop their chickens before butchering them. Yard chickens are nasty.  Now, the fried chicken that the Smiths brought is OK. They coop their chickens and feed them chicken feed before they butcher them."

Another thing Papa wouldn't let his family do was to drink the water from the well at the church. "It's next to the cemetery, and that well water - there's no telling about it.  It's not healthy!"

My mom's family was certainly clean and careful about what they ate and drank. They certainly had obsessive, compulsive personalities. Mom was like them, and I am like them and mom.  In some ways, it's a blessing. Sometimes, it's a curse. The Bible called this the "generational curse," bad traits passed down from generation to generation.

Not only do I have my own mess that needs washing, but I have their mess to wash too!

I'm like mom.  I clean my dirty dishes in the sink by hand before putting them in the automatic dishwasher. I clean up my own messes, but I didn't do a good job. There was still some germs that only hot, hot dishwasher water could really clean.

Why not put them in the dishwasher first?  Duh.  What a novel idea!

The truth is that the more I tried to clean my dirty dishes, the dirtier they got.  Oh, and the dishwasher, I didn't even use it.  That's like my mom too. She eventually used her dishwasher for a cabinet and stored dishes in it instead of washing dishes in it.

That was me trying to clean up my mess and the mess I got from my parents and their parents and their parents ad infinitum.

The Dishwasher was there all the time. Sitting unused while I tried to clean up my "I."

How did I clean up my "I?"  I tried to scrub up my appearance to others through my performance. I wanted everything to be perfect. No germs. No mistakes. When I coached baseball, I wanted my team perfect. When I write, I want my writing perfect. When I preach, I want my sermon perfect. When I teach, I want my lesson perfect. I wanted to be the perfect son and tried to please them. Good grades. Active in church. Whatever it took to please them. I tried to be the perfect son, but always fell short of their expectations no matter how hard I tried.  As a husband, father, and grandfather, I want to be perfect. Scrubbed up and clean.

But, no matter how much I scrubbed, there were always a few germs infecting me. My efforts were always imperfect. A germ of anger was left on the plate.  A germ of depression left on the glass. 

The most flu-like germ was the germ of dissatisfaction. No matter how I scrubbed myself, I was never satisfied, and scrubbed my "I" even harder.

I made mistakes no matter how hard I tried.  I just couldn't get rid of all the germs in my "I." My germ of anger caused me to be criticized and rejected, and then the germ of depression would come alive sending me into despair.

What efforts did I use to clean up my "I?"  I scrubbed my "I" so that my appearance would be pleasing and acceptance to others who I thought were significant in my life. One of my deepest needs is to be loved and accepted. I read somewhere that's the deepest needs all of us have.

I cleaned up real nice. I so wanted others to like my clean dishes. But, I was never clean enough. I couldn't understand it when I was criticized or received less than a perfect evaluation. I remember once when it came time for my annual teacher evaluation. The bureaucrats had added a new criteria where teachers had to evaluate themselves before the principal evaluated them. Well, I checked "exceeds standards" on each one of the benchmarks and turned in my self-evaluation.  My principal was not amused.  She said to go and do another one.  I did and didn't change a thing!  I told her I thought I exceeded standards in every criteria and that it was her job to find anything different than how I evaluated my performance. Her evaluation came back.  Overall, it was pretty good but not perfect.  She checked off a few areas in need of improvement!" After I left her office, I threw her evaluation of me in the trash!  No matter what I did to scrub my "I, my "I," always had a few germs left on the plate. This left me feeling rejected, mad, and depressed. 

That's not a fun way to live.  In fact, I was miserable. All this time, the Dishwasher was there waiting to be used. 

Since my efforts to remove all the germs from my dish cleaning failed, I looked again at the Dishwasher. Suddenly, almost like lightning, the Dishwasher revealed to me the truth. "Put your dirty dishes in me.  I am the only One who can scrub them clean.  Really clean.  "I will scald them like Aunt Annie used to do.  Nothing can live in scalding water."

So, I put my "I" in the Dishwasher.  But, my germs didn't want to let go. They hung on for dear life.  But, I got a thorough scrubbing.

It was kind of painful. The Dishwasher was right. Nothing could live in His scalding water. My "I" finally died and with it, my germs died too. Being crucified with Christ means dying to myself and dying to myself was not fun. It was painful but necessary to get rid of the germs causing me mental, emotional, and spiritual pain.

When the dishwasher door was opened, I emerged clean, sparking, and pure.  All that residue vanished. All the germs were killed.  I was washed clean. I am washed clean!

I am germ free. Clean. Pure. No unseen germs are left on my dishes! Wow!

I don't have to try and be perfect in my performance any more. I'm free! I'm liberated from washing my dishes by my self-efforts!  Christ performed His perfect work for me and in me at the cross. I am washed clean by His blood shed on the cross.  

I knew that, but at the same time, I didn't know that.  Why?  Because I was trying to wash my dishes clean by my scrubbing. I knew the Dishwasher was there but for some reason, maybe my pride, maybe the mess I inherited from my family, I didn't put my dishes in the Dishwasher.  

I don't know why?  But, I do know I was trying to do it all myself. It was a foolish thing to do and made me miserable. 

Now, I have been and am set free, really FREE!  That's the freedom God called me to many moons ago, but I chose to be a slave to my addiction of perfectionism. I can do this on my own! Thank you very much, but I don't need to be washed by You or anyone else. I have the inner resources to do it myself. See, here's my dishwashing rag, detergent and sink. 

Put the dishes in the Dishwasher and get free from the arduous task of hand washing them.  That's freedom through Christ! Freedom from my determined attempts to make myself acceptable to me and others. I have freedom to fail and still be clean, accepted, and loved. It's an incredible feeling. Words can't describe it. It just has to be experienced! 

Who am I?  I am washed.  Washed clean. All of the germs of the viruses of, anger, sadness, and depression from growing out of my self-effort germ don't stick to me any more.  I'm clean, disinfected, and, saturated through and through by the washing of His blood poured out from His grace and mercy each and every day.  After all, dishes like me need washing daily like me.

"Worthy is the Lamb" by Darlene Zschech. Click the arrow to play.

Who am I? I am a tent but not for long!

Who am I?  I am a tent but not for long!

My "I" dwells in a tent. My body, my soul, and my spirit dwell in a tent. My essential self lives in a tent in a trinitarian unity. I am a tent. 

Tents are never meant to be permanent dwellings. Soldiers in battle zones live in tents and are constantly on the move taking their tents down and putting them back up. Temporary. They long for and wait for the day when they can get back home. James Oglethorpe, the founder of the English colony of Georgia, lived in a tent until all of the settlers that he brought with him had built a house or cabin. After everyone had their cabin, he built one for himself and built himself a cabin and moved in.  His tent was just temporary. My tent is temporary. 

I'm just moving around here in my tent too. I'm waiting for my permanent home. It's not going to be a man-made tent of flesh and blood.  No, it's a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands (2 Corinthians 5:1).  

In my tent, I groan and am heavy burdened. Burdened with care, diabetes, tears, and groaning. Oh, I have joy too. But, I long for my "I" to be clothed with my heavenly dwelling. It won't be long either. Every day brings me closer.

My tent shall be folded away and replaced by my resurrection body. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and I'm tired of it! I've  been given a glimpse of the real thing, my true home, my resurrection body! The Spirit of God whets my appetite by giving me a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in my heart so that I'll never settle for less (2 Corinthians 5:1-5 MSG). What a great hope this is!  A sure hope!  This is not a hope like I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.  On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand!

The hope I have when that time comes to fold up my tent is that I will be immediately clothed with my heavenly, spiritual body. Immediately. No waiting. In the twinkling of an eye. I will be changed, transformed, be given a new body fit to dwell in heaven.  In other words, to be absent from my body is to be present with the Lord.  Present with Him. Forever. (2 Corinthians 5:8).  


It's not my spirit that will be folded up.  It's not my soul that will be folded up.  My "I," my tent, will be folded up.  My "I" is my spirit, soul, and body. And my "I" will be clothed with my new spiritual body, my building not made with human hands!  


When my tent is folded up, my soul doesn't leave my body and float around waiting for my decayed body lying in the grave to join it when Jesus returns. My spirit will not unite with the body returned to dust and then clothed with an eternal spiritual body. NO! NO! A thousand times NO.  To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. All of me. Soul and spirit, my essential "I," will live, be clothed in my eternal spiritual body! 

Were those the spirits of Elijah and Moses that appeared on the Mount of Transfiguration with Jesus?  Were they souls that Peter saw and then wanted to build a tent for them to stay a while longer?  NO!  That was Elijah and Moses appearing in their spiritual bodies containing their spirit and soul, their essential self-hood. They were not ghosts floating around like some spirit.  They were real people.  Very real! Clothed in their spiritual bodies, their permanent homes. They stepped out of heaven and back into earth in their spiritual bodies. WOW!

How about Jesus?  Was that the spirit of Jesus they saw after His resurrection? Was he floating around in a disembodied state? No! That was His body they saw and all who He is was contained in that resurrected body. His resurrected body contained Jesus' essential self-hood. 

I am not divided. I am a soul.  I am a body.  I am a spirit.  Three in one. A whole. A unity.  All of me, not parts of me, will become, transformed into a spiritual body and be like Jesus in His spiritual body (1 John 3:2) containing my soul and spirit in it.

Who am I?  I am a tent but not for long!  It won't be long when I am clothed in my heavenly dwelling, my spiritual body. I won't have tear ducts in my spiritual body to make tears. There's no sorrow there. So tear ducts will not be needed!

I won't have diabetes either. There's no sickness there!  My spiritual body will be whole, well, and complete forever.

My spiritual body will be pain free too.  Emotional and spiritual pain will be gone forever!

In my tent body, I face certain death. I won't get out of here alive. It will be folded up. But, in my new building, my new spiritual body, I live forever! And, I will live in a place of joy and rejoicing forever around God's throne worshiping Jesus fellowshipping with the saints, beloved family, and friends who have gone before me. Plus, I will wait for my loved ones who will soon be folding up their tents too.

How can I be sure of all this?  The Holy Spirit made a down payment to hold my future heavenly home - my building, my spiritual body not made with human hands. The Holy Spirit  lives in my tent along with my "I."  A down payment assures the seller that the buyer will indeed buy the property. The Holy Spirit's down payment on my future dwelling, my heavenly house, my spiritual body assures me that I will take full possession of the place prepared for me!  A place where all of me, my spirit and soul, live forever.

All of my dreams fulfilled. All of my hopes realized. My joy complete. To see Jesus face-to-face. I'm looking forward to folding my tent. I will bless the Lord now and forever.

Who am I?  I am a tent but not for long!

Video: "There Will Be a Day" by Jeremy Camp. Or, click this link.